My name is Daniel, not Joseph

[**Disclaimer**] Chosen topic is about abortion and miscarriage. If you find the blog offensive, please let me know quietly through email. Thank you.

My name was suppose to be Daniel, not Joseph.

Before I was born, my mother was conceived with a child, Joseph. He was to be a beautiful, healthy child of God, ready to experience the world (and make disciples of all nations.) Unfortunately, God had other plans in store. 

Me and Daniel

My mother had a miscarriage.

Joseph passed away shortly after experiencing the world - the air, the breath, the flesh, time, energy - for a brief moment. My parents shared it with me very briefly and they weren't willing to go into details about the topic. "We don't worry about the past too much. All we care about is that we have you and Daniel, and that alone is God's grace." 

I think it's still crazy that I was meant to have an older brother. If he survived, everything would've been different. My relationships, roles, hobbies, lifestyle, everything would've been different. But I'm not bothered by the fact "he's" not here. 

I'm blessed to be the older brother, blessed to have my younger Daniel with me. Blessed that our walks have been filled with many ups and downs. Blessed that our relationship is aimed for gospel-centered, Christ-centered, high-end goal. Though my actions, thoughts, and words may not have portrayed Christ, I'm still blessed to be the oldest son. Though I failed to display a responsible "independent" brother, I'm still blessed my brother's been gracious through and through.

I realize more and more each day the importance and the foundation of familial fellowship because a biblical, gospel-filled family should and must reflect Christ, in whom, eventually, will have eternal fellowship with.

And I grieve, every time, when I hear stories of "terminated" children of God. That some of us play "god" with which who gets to control how a child should live or not. That "WE" decide a person's life. Because it's not the right time? because it will be "hard" for the child? because we cannot "support" the child? because our parents "didn't" want it? because someone "raped" me? because it's not "my (our)" child? because it's "inconvenient"? because it's more "comfortable"? because we "just felt" like it? because it's the "right" thing to do? because? because? because...

... Because we failed to realize the power of God and we didn't trust in Him. After all, believers been adopted as children of God. The blood covers us and anoints us beautiful and we are found favored upon. He, the theme of our everything, is our hope, power, and salvation. Without Him, everything fails and falls apart.

A photo posted by Joseph Kim (@kjustifym) on Jan 15, 2015 at 7:15am PST

The death of my older brother saddens me, and it was of miscarriage; not because of abortion. And I wonder how the parents tell their children how they "terminated" their previous child. How they decided not to "terminate" their current child or them. I wonder how the children will react. I wonder how they will feel. I wonder how they will see their parents the next day, after knowing that kind of information. How different would it be if they told them it was because of miscarriage.

My hope is in His majesty and my prayer is lifted up to Him and Him alone. I can only hope and pray for the countless "terminated" children...

"Thus says the LORD who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you..." (Isaiah 44:2)

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:13-14)

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." (Jeremiah 1:5)